January 13, 2025Monday, January 13, 2025

Just a thought… Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. [Steve Jobs]

As you may know, if you follow me on Facebook, I’m down here in California for a few months. Thankfully, we are safe: there were some unusually strong winds last Thursday, but other than dealing with their messy aftermath of debris from trees, and furniture blown around the yard, we have been spared anything even remotely like the horrors of the hurricane of fire that winds have wrought in the Los Angeles area. Those affected are in our thoughts every hour of every day. As I swept up leaves and garbage that made its way to our yard, I thought: Thank God these aren’t ashes.

My stay here (solo now as Rob went home Boxing Day, and which is half over) has been a badly-needed spiritual reset with daily meditation, exercise and a feeling of peace that has alluded me for quite some time.

What I am most definitely not at peace with is spending our anemic dollars in a country that has spun off its axis (again) and is barrelling down a dark and troubled road. And seeing posts on social media (not aimed at me, specifically) such as “Friends don’t let friends vacation in the US!” have been more than just pecking at that bubble of serenity. I’m struggling with the morality of supporting anything to do with FOTUS (Felon of the United States), while weighing it against the reasons we want to be here in this politically sane state.

Once again, I am glad to be learning to say “Let Them.” It’s a lesson I’ve needed for a long, long time. As I continue to learn, I find myself wishing this book had come out 40 years ago. What a difference it would have made in my life (including money saved on therapy)!

You see, for my entire public life, which started at 17 and continues in some form or another some 45 years later, my desire has been to please every single listener/reader/viewer. On radio, for example, if someone was upset about something I said (or worse, that they thought I said), I would go out of my way (and sometimes, my mind) trying to win them back. You never, ever wanted to lose a listener.

As of this writing, the criticisms about our choice of where to escape the damp, chilly Vancouver Island winter have been few. Okay, just one: a downright rude Facebook post that came on Christmas night after we’d had an unexpectedly blissful day. It was taken down by the poster shortly after she wrote the words “SHAME!” (and a few more) about our choice of coming to the US for a few months.

That post bothered me; like most criticism, I wondered if, in her cruel way, she might have been right, even though Brené Brown taught me well that “shame” is a word you never, ever throw at anyone – most of all yourself.

I have had a few weeks to think about it now, framed by the wisdom I’ve been taking in via audiobook every day. Still, I’ve been making a list of defensive reasons why this is the place that feeds my soul.

Have I thought of other destinations for next year? Yes. But being someplace where I: a) know the area roads, b) can be left comfortably to reside and drive on my own, c) speak the language, and d) know the currency, are also vital to my sometimes fragile peace of mind. We even owned a house here briefly (circa Covid) for heaven’s sake.

This area around Palm Springs, about a two-hour drive from the tragic tinderbox that is the LA region, is where my parents spent joyful, SAD-free winters, and where at this time of such flux on the house sale front back in BC, we feel grounded. So we rented again, prior to the election. I mean, who could have predicted…?

I don’t know what we’re going to do later this year. Having something to look forward to during the dreary fall/winter has become important to us, and being in a location that makes me a better person all around is equally vital. I know we’re damned lucky to have the ability and opportunity. I know.

In the problems of the world, and yes, even this blessed/cursed blue state of California, mine are but a bean, never mind a whole hill of them. Yet, here I am, somehow feeling that I need to justify our decisions and stave off judgment. As if I have any control over what a person thinks! (Thanks, Mel Robbins.)

Like all of us, I have a lot to learn in this journey of growth, and I am but a pre-schooler as I try to change a lifetime of literal and figurative people-pleasing. If my decisions are not someone else’s preference, that’s okay. My mental health is coming first (for a change). I would wish the same for you, within the parameters of your own moral guidelines and practical capability, as I hope you would for me.

If not, I’ll let you – and you let me.

Lisa Brandt and I will be talking about this on Thursday in Episode 109 of the Gracefully and Frankly podcast. Haven’t caught 108 yet? You’re missing a really good one (if I do say so) and can do so for free at G-and-F.Simplecast.com. Just click and enjoy. And if you want to offer feedback on what you’ve heard, we welcome that, too.