Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Your happiness is your responsibility. Let them live their lives. [Mel Robbins, The “Let Them” Theory, out Dec. 24, 2024]

Welcome to a new week and thank you SO much for coming by!

A dear friend sent me a link to an interview the other day. When I tell you it changed my whole outlook, not just on my day, but perhaps even on my life as we sit on the cusp of a new year, I’m not kidding. In the interview, Mel Robbins, life coach, radio/podcast host, motivational speaker, lawyer and author, talked about her upcoming (sure-to-be) bestseller: The “Let Them” Theory.

In a nutshell, it’s about letting go of what you think you control. It’s a message we’ve all heard in one way or another, either from the stoics or Viktor Frankl, or even in sermons. But the way she explains this theory just landed really powerfully for me and hopefully will fuel the year that lies ahead. Who knows? Maybe it will for you, too.

Before I post the link here, I have to tell you I’ve had some reservations about sharing it because of the person who’s interviewing her: Oprah. Yes, Oprah has a podcast (because, why not?) and Mel Robbins sits down with her for this meaningful conversation. But I know I’ve had mixed feelings since Oprah left TV almost 14 years ago (what???). Especially in that two of her protégés seemingly went off the rails in the past few years politically. I’m talking about Doctors Oz and Phil.

My concern was amplified by a @threads.net comment I got on Saturday:

I responded that that was totally her prerogative, but that Mel more than stands on her own.

It brings me to a bigger question and one upon which I am looking forward to hearing my Gracefully and Frankly podcast partner Lisa Brandt’s take. Is Oprah Winfrey responsible for the paths taken by two men she elevated to international prominence? It’s one thing to vet people she’s going to have on her show – an army of producers can do that – but who can predict the future? Do they have to sign some kind of NDA, but one that promises they won’t do anything to embarrass the host or diminish her regard in the eye of the public as long as they all shall live?

So many have posted in light of both doctors’ MAGA leanings that they will never forgive Oprah for giving the two their platform. But where does that responsibility end? Are we wrong in blaming her for the actions of two grown men? And is it some kind of thinly-veiled misogyny to do so?

I don’t have the answer, but maybe you do, and can comment after hearing Episode 106 next Thursday. (Yes, we have a new episode coming this week, of course, but decided not to take the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, as response to a little poll I put on my FB page was super enthusiastic that we do. Thus, the Dec. 26 Episode 106.)

I will tell you that one of the comments Mel Robbins made landed solidly with Oprah and me: if they’re going to go after you on social media – LET THEM.

Heck, if Oprah freaking Winfrey is going to lose sleep over what someone who doesn’t know her says about her, then we are all forgiven for caring. That amnesty towards ourselves is summed up in just two words: Let Them!

Now, here’s the link to that interview, which I’ve already watched twice. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and, of course, your feedback once Lisa and I have discussed it. And thank you again for spending some time here.

Just a thought… Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated. [Alphonse de Lamartine, Méditations Poétiques]

Good morning and welcome in. As you may know, if you happen to follow me on Facebook (www.facebook.com/erindavispage) or @threads.net (@erindawndavis) or even Bluesky (@erindavis.bsky.app) you likely know that I have a place where I share videos (“grief briefs” as I call them) about, well, loss.

We’ve covered quite a few different facets of grief, but I have recently done a three-part series (all around two minutes each) about this time of year and how to navigate the holidays when there’s an empty chair at the table, or space in your life, where someone you cherished once made life better.

Last week I posted the first part, and today the second is up at YouTube.com on my channel: therealerindavis.

You can go to it here, and if it resonates, please share it with others you know who may be in this place in their lives. It can even just be a sign that you’re thinking of them and know they’re missing someone terribly especially at this time of year.

There will be a third part and I’ll post it before Christmas. Please subscribe to the YouTube channel (it’s easy to do and you won’t be inundated with messages or requests; it’s also free) and you’ll get the third one as soon as it’s posted publicly. Or keep an eye out on the aforementioned Facebook page.

Thank you. Have a gentle week. We are doing so as we embark on our ninth day here in Southern California in Cathedral City. Not at all as Vatican-esque as it sounds, it’s nestled between Palm Springs and Palm Desert and is, for now, our happy place. We find them where we can. And another of mine is sharing any wisdom I might have about the language of loss, both with those familiar and unfamiliar with it. For as the old saying goes, “Joy shared is multiplied; pain shared is divided.”

Take care, and thank you.

Just a thought… If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet. [Rachel Wolchin]

Hello from Cathedral City, California. I thought I’d share with you some notes from the road, as Rob and I arrived safely Saturday at my escape for three months (and his for one month) right here in California. Yes, Dottie and Livi are here with us and travelled beautifully, from riding together in a crate to sleeping peacefully with us on our hotel/motel beds wherever we stayed.

On Wednesday, we were up before the birds to catch a ferry out of downtown Victoria. But that early morning walk afforded me a serene view: a heron all hunched up against the cold winds, watching for his breakfast from atop a pillar.

Getting to the ferry with lots of time to spare paid off (or was it blind luck?) as we managed to be the first off the boat when it arrived in Washington State. I mean, this is as good as it gets!

The dogs were allowed on deck and got plenty of pats and smiles. Dottie shook most of the way but we didn’t dare bring her CBD drops; our friend Nancy was practically strip-searched when she very honestly told Customs upon returning to Canada from Portugal that she had doctor-prescribed pain meds that contained CBD. (Suffice it to say she has fired off letters to no fewer than three levels of bureaucrats to find out just what the dang rules actually ARE. So be careful! Lisa Brandt and I will tell more in an upcoming episode of our Gracefully and Frankly podcast).

Where was I? Oh, yes, Washington State. Our six-hour drive from the ferry dock in Port Angeles to our destination of Salem, Oregon included a one-hour stop to charge the car so that when we arrived exhausted at our hotel we wouldn’t have to spend another who-knows-how-long charging the car. It’s all working out; charging to 80% for that hour cost us $14 USD. (The speed at which you choose to charge is reflected in the cost: higher speed, higher price. One charge on the trip cost us $54 US.)

The dogs rode along calmly in their crate (they like to share one), we listened to all kinds of podcasts from round tables and interviews to historic retellings, and as the sun set, we were afforded a view like this one dramatic one in Oregon.

Thursday’s travels were smooth under blue skies that afforded us incredible views like this of Mount Shasta…

…and the smaller, but closer Shastina.

Traffic was wonderfully light as folks celebrated the Thanksgiving holiday, and although finding a bathroom in the town of Grants Pass (no apostrophe – they dropped it long ago) was a challenge, I lucked into finding a friendly 7/11 cashier who read my desperation and, as I found out in our chat, happened to live in Toronto years before moving to California, then Oregon.

Friday, we departed for our final hotel stay in Lebec, near Redding, California. The day’s drive was much more boring; our longest ride’s highlight was a stop for an outdoor lunch, dogs at our feet, while the car charged. Avoiding shopping malls and Black Friday mayhem, I actually walked into a Target to use the bathroom and bought nothing (applaud here, please. LOL).

I’ve already strained your eyes enough for today, so I’ll sign off. We’ve settled into the older house we’re renting, as we try to figure out the heating system for the pool, for which we’ve purchased a solar blanket to stretch our beleaguered buck, and how to get the house’s EV charger working. The owners had it installed but had never used it, so it’s up to us to figure it out.

Today, Rob and I, along with another couple down here, are going to see Wicked at last. It’s either going to destroy or elate me – or both – but seeing this show that was a family favourite when we were three is something I just can’t wait to do.

Back with you this week with a new Not a Mourning Person and, of course, episode 103 of Gracefully and Frankly. Talk again soon!

Just a thought… Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up. [Dean Karnazes]

Once again, I’m running away…or, as my therapist (and some wise women like my Gracefully and Frankly podcast partner Lisa Brandt) would say, running to.

In two days, Rob, Dottie, Livi and I will be packed up and headed to the ferry from Victoria to Port Angeles, Washington, as we make our way during a leisurely three-and-a-half day drive to the Palm Springs area home we’ve rented in Cathedral City, California.

This trip comes with a lot of preparation, anticipation and even some trepidation. We thought, had the election turned out differently, that we might be driving through some version of January 6 2.0. That isn’t happening, but I’ll make a point of keeping my mouth shut and not wearing my Kamala cat t-shirt and provoking anyone. Not my country.

This is our first trip across the border with the dogs and we’ve got all of their shots/records/government forms filled out so that we’re able to enter the US with our fur babies and no fur flying.

We’ve paid extra for pet- and budget-friendly accommodations (where, in some cases, the pet fees were so exorbitant that we ended up finding other options) and are also going to have to tailor our drives daily to find charging stations for our 100% electric vehicle. Rob’s going to task me with using an app to find stations that are fast-charge and available. Our first day’s drive (and ferry ride) should be done without a charge stop (barring huge traffic jams); I don’t like our chances of finding a charger that’s available on the day before US Thanksgiving. That is, without a few hours’ waiting.

We’ll see. As in all things, we’ll try to be patient, and I’ve downloaded dozens of podcast episodes (mostly about innovations or world history) to keep us company while we travel. The forecast for the trip through Washington State, Oregon and into California looks really good. We’re lucky we weren’t travelling last week when the bomb cyclone and atmospheric river hit Vancouver Island, parts of the BC mainland and the Pacific Northwest of the US.

Rob stays with me until Boxing Day and then flies home for two months of hockey (playing and watching!). With any kind of luck, the sale and final move-out from our house will also happen during that time. How lucky would I be to miss all that?

After our non-Holiday season this year, a few friends (including Lisa) will be coming to visit in 2025. I’m most looking forward to reading, meditating, recording both G&F and new Drift with Erin sleep stories in the Airstream trailer in the house’s yard, and just taking time for me. I’m also hoping to get some new video podcast work underway, now that one of our main projects for the Canadian Real Estate Association is coming to an end after a five-year partnership. I know we can do it; it’s just finding that joyful work that pays.

Running to, and not from. But I’ll be here with you throughout; I’ll share different scenery with you than the usual oceanscapes, and through it all, I’ll thank you for the time you spend with me.

My public Facebook page: @erindavispage

Not a Mourning Person grief briefs on YouTube: therealerindavis

Gracefully and Frankly FB page: @gracefullyandfrankly

Find me on threads.net: @erindawndavis

On bluesky.app: @erindavis

Just a thought… Early to bed, Early to Rise, Work Like Hell and Advertise. [Ted Turner]

Well, my friend, it’s been a long two weeks. If, like me, you’re trying to focus on anything other than the chaos happening beyond our border, you might have asked yourself, as I did, “What can I control?”

To that end, I have some things to pass along to you today of a social media matter. Now I know you might say, “No thanks – that’s not my scene…” and I both respect and, in some ways, admire that. But my life has meant staying connected in all ways possible: I’m not on the radio anymore and, with two podcasts on which I rely for a bit of income, I (and Lisa) have to promote them as easily and as widely as possible to get word out.

First of all, if you were on Twitter/X with me, that account is now deactivated. So is Lisa’s. It hurt, but the sooner I could help pull the plug on Elon’s disastrous social media implosion the better. Even author Stephen King has left his multi-million X followers behind, calling it “too dark.” I mean when Stephen King calls something “dark,” well…you get it.

So let me tell you about two other, much brighter options.

Threads has been around for a while and is run by Meta (Facebook). I’m there with the name @erindawndavis and welcome you. You can find me here. Many came over when I posted on my Facebook page last week about the shift and I thank you.

The second, Bluesky, is newer but has exploded since the US election and people wanted to distance themselves from you-know-who.

It’s (for now) a very civilized place called Bluesky (pronounced, not blew-ski, but blue sky LOL) and I’m there now, too. It may well be the fastest-growing social media app out there. X has fallen off, as people like me, who worked for 15 years to build 31,000+ followers in my community, say good-bye to the toxicity.

You can find Bluesky here and, once you sign up and sign in, I’m at @erindavis.bsky.social. Our Gracefully and Frankly podcast is there now, too: @GandFpodcast.bsky.social. 

Lisa and I welcome your interaction there. Lisa’s there as well with the handle @lisabrandt.bsky.social

I know, I know, it’s a LOT. I mean, try it from OUR end lol! We’re setting things up and navigating through a whole ton of headaches, but we know it’ll be worth it in the long run. If I could, this kind of sums up what each site is:

X/Twitter: toxic masculinity, despicably mean comments at times, and few guardrails to prevent misinformation and lies. Think of it as similar to Truth Social (with which it will likely merge, in my opinion, now that Elon got what he wanted with a -rump win) but with slightly less orange makeup. Accounts like mine are closing by the millions, but some of those bad actors have moved to other platforms like….

Threads: more feminine energy. More kind, with a community that moves faster to block the trolls and miscreants, and a place for sharing and honesty. It’s friendlier and fairly user-friendly. Enjoy it before Zuckerberg adds ads in the new year. Ugh. And BLOCK every troll who shows up. We’re all doing our part.

Bluesky: newer and with a few bugs to be ironed out – including no edit button, which is Threads’ biggest asset for those of us who won’t pay on X – but worth the effort to sign up. It’s gentler and much more inclusive and, again, kinder, so it’s there for you if you choose to sign in. It was started by Twitter founder Jack Dorsey five years ago, but he’s now off the board and the site has grown exponentially in the last two weeks. In fact, on Thursday of last week, it went down briefly under the weight of everyone trying to sign up! LISA, I BLAME YOU! It’s the #1 social media site in North America, far surpassing all others.

Look, again I’ll say, if you’re fed up with this and actually have a life, I say “yay for you!” and understand. Please understand that in all of my freelance life, getting the message out there for G&F and Drift, as well as positive and hopefully humorous comments, is the most important thing right now. That’s why I’m jumping through the hoops, and off the sinking ships, to try to spread the word of things like our new GF Boutique (T-shirts, pendants, and more planned in future) for our podcast, and so on.

Someone wrote and said she doesn’t want to miss out. Will I post the same stuff as on Facebook? To be honest, I post more frequently on Threads and Bluesky, as they’re places for more conversation, and I don’t want to clog your Facebook feed.

I’ll continue blogging here weekly on my own website, of course, and I thank you for being here today and always.