Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Grandparenting is 50% wishing the little ones would quiet down, and 50% wondering what they’re up to when they’re being so quiet. [Erin Davis]

My heart is so full today. It’s Family Day Weekend for much of this great and beautiful country of ours; some provinces have other names for this day and others like Quebec, parts of Newfoundland and the Territories don’t mark it at all. But if you don’t mind, I’ll share a bit of family-flavoured sweetness and, unlike last week, it won’t be of the canine variety. Although I will tell you that with every passing day, Livi and Dottie are settling in more as sisters who adore their other sister Sammy.

Some viewers of last week’s video blog asked what breed they are, and I didn’t mention (as I had in the past) that they’re all Havanese. I first met one when we lived in a condo at Bloor and Jarvis. His name was Rupert and his dads just adored him. And now I clearly know why!

Ah yes, family. As we can tell you first-hand, it comes in all shapes and forms: ours is made up of two adults with whom we have no genetic link and one granddaughter who is ours, but not born to our child, but whom we love wholeheartedly. And then there’s our grandson about whom you’ve heard plenty. We are completed by them and will forever be grateful for the time we get to spend fulfilling that most precious role of grandparent.

There’s the family of friends we have: those with whom we chat daily via text or email (more rarely by phone) and who are always on our minds and in our corners. When life falls apart, they’re there to help us sew it back together. Friends like my local pal Nancy – always just a thought away – and my podcast partner Lisa who has even shared her therapist with me. (Side note: that man is helping me in ways I haven’t even been able to count yet. I thought no one could understand what’s been going on in our lives in the past 9 years, but here he is explaining that our decisions, some of which make me shake my head in hindsight, were but choices I/we made based in grief. It’s that kind of clarity that shines so bright a light that it fills your soul. And guides the way.)

We have our real family: my sisters and Rob’s siblings who are always in touch, some more often than others, and with whom we have varying relationships. With whom we share not only DNA but family histories: maps into those murky experiences that make us who we are. They’re the people who may not fully understand us, but recall the circumstances that may have made us who we are. And, of course, one cousin among all our (non-sibling) relatives – one – who keeps in regular touch. This is what wills are for! LOL

I’m grateful to call so many people here in the ethereal world of connection by heart friends as well. Most readers and viewers and listeners I have never met, and yet I feel your arms around me more often than you can imagine. Urging me on. Forgiving me when I ask for it. Offering strength when it seems my reserves have been leaking without my noticing. I always know you’re there.

What is Real Family? Family is where the love lies. Where there’s a softness and compassion and understanding that comes from knowing one’s heart. I always say that when someone close to me apologizes for something they fear they did: I know your heart. To me there are no more forgiving words in my own language.

Real Family is not a father and mother and children and grandchildren; real family is where the love and soft place to fall lie.

Our company happens to be named Real Family Productions, thanks to the Rob, Erin and Lauren who made up our little pod when we were choosing its name. I fear now that it might, to some, sound judgmental or phobic and for that reason I’m in favour of changing it. “Oh your family isn’t real; ours is.” I would despair if anyone with whom Rob and I work ever inferred that as our take on families. For that assumption could not be more untrue.

Real Family is love, understanding and an ability to care and be compassionate. I wish you that on this long weekend (for most), in whatever incarnation you are fortunate enough to find yourself.

Thank you for being part of mine.

Albeit a little early for Valentine’s Day, I have a love-filled video journal for you today.

Quite unexpectedly, we’ve brought more sweetness into our lives and home (and bed). Meet her just by following this YouTube link. I promise you it’s worth every second. (Oh, and please subscribe while you’re there for extras through the week.)

Just a thought… Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more. [H. Jackson Brown Jr.]

Sometimes, especially on a wintry Monday, you need a story that’ll warm your heart. Well, have I got one for you today!

I’m a big believer in random acts of kindness: putting things out there and never expecting a return, but secretly hoping that karma will be kind down the road. This past week I was witness to such an act that I have to share with you.

During our Jan. 15 Facebook live event, Lisa Brandt and I were given two $100 gift certificates from one of our two sponsors, www.enVypillow.com. We announced the winners’ names two days later in Episode 56, and waited to hear from them.

Very shortly thereafter we heard from Liz. Now Liz has had a very tough year: last year her husband suffered a life-altering health event and is now in assisted living. As anyone who is a caregiver, a loving spouse and/or both well knows, the stresses and heartache are a lot to take on – especially if you’re in your mid-80s, like Liz is. She was teary and elated to have won the gc. She said she’s been longing for an enVy pillow since we’ve been talking about them on our podcast, but thought it a little more than she could afford. The gc meant she could.

But that’s not the end of the story. A week ago today I received an email from Gracefully and Frankly listener Shirley. She read Liz’s story in my journal that day and wanted to top up the gc so that Liz could get whatever she wanted. After thanking Shirley for her vast kindness, I wrote to Liz and said, “I hope you’re sitting down…” and when Liz wrote back, she’d been crying with joy. Although she’d already ordered one, she and Shirley made some arrangements and let’s just say that both women were extremely pleased with the outcome.

As you can guess, so were Lisa and I. Lisa remarked, “This is better than radio – I mean, you get to connect good people, hear their stories – it feels amazing!” And she’s right. But back in my pre-podcasting days, we got to give away sums of money and trips (none of them our own) and to hear of people’s gratitude.

At Christmas we read letters from folks who wanted to gift other deserving people with trips from the radio station and we listened in as the winners told the recipients about their windfall. That was the best. We felt as if we were making dreams come true (when in reality it was the hard work of our sales and promotions departments).

In a way, a $100 voucher and Shirley’s added generosity did that here, too. Liz felt loved and cared for, and as she said, “For at least one day, I wasn’t thinking about assisted care.” How wonderful of Shirley and beautiful of Kathy and Kim to donate the gifts!

But there’s one more note in this sweet song to share: our other winner Karen has a daughter going for her doctorate who has trouble sleeping because of a jaw issue (TMJ). The pillow will definitely help her with that, Karen said.

Look, this wasn’t meant to be an ad for a pillow company and its two women at the helm. It’s a reminder that there are good people everywhere – like the guy who reached out to help my sister move a trailer out of her garage in the Okanagan when fires were bearing down last summer. He didn’t want a penny and was happy to assist in her hour of need.

Don’t let the people who drain you or take you for granted fool you; there are still those out there who will appreciate any gesture – even a call or a thought. Last week at the grocery store checkout, I let a man in a wheelchair go ahead of me since I had a full basket and he had only one item on his lap. The man, coincidentally, was also named Davis (I heard the cashier say it when she accepted his loyalty card). Then I watched as he gave back his only purchase: a steak he thought was $12, thanks to the big red sticker on it, was actually that price per pound. I caught the cashier’s eye and mouthed that I’d buy it. She bagged it and gave it to him; he waved and said to me, “Thank you. God bless you.”

And do you know, just hearing someone being grateful for something I’d done meant more to me than anything else could have. And karma? I just told the lady checking out my purchases that I was hoping my family would have a smooth travel day, and they did.

Oftentimes all we want is to be seen and appreciated. To feel like someone knows our hearts, and that we want to make their lives better. It sure beats receiving.

But you probably already know it.

Just a thought…

Goodbyes are not forever,

Goodbyes are not the end.

They simply mean I’ll miss you

Until we meet again.

[author unknown]

Well hello! I’m taking an hour away from these last precious days with my friend Lisa Brandt visiting here in Palm Desert to catch you up with this week’s journal. We’ve done lots and done nothing: the best kind of time spent together. I lost track of how often I thanked her for being with me.

I think, other than hours and hours of plotting our podcast plans for the year ahead and talking about our lives and challenges in general, I most enjoyed watching her taking in the sights from the slowly rotating car of the Palm Springs Tramway.

I’d been up a few years ago, but I still had butterflies as we ascended to 10,000 feet, although that was mostly because Lisa was unsure about being in the cylindrical car (the largest tram car model in the world) that had about 50 people standing in it.

It was then that I realized I had only my tiny wallet-sized purse and no mask. (Luckily, so far, so good, but I must say I would happily nurse Lisa back to health if she couldn’t go home tomorrow!) Lisa if you’re reading this – I miss you already.

We spent last week just floating (literally and figuratively) from the success of our Facebook Live video event. We had hoped for a few hundred views and got over 3000 (it’s still up at Facebook.com/gracefullyandfrankly if you want to spend an hour – just you, Lisa and me). The comments numbered over 800 and we’ve done our best to respond in some way; this Thursday’s Gracefully and Frankly Episode 57 will address a few of the questions we didn’t get to during the live show.

If you don’t know where or how to listen to a podcast, let me tell you that one of the winners of our $100 gift certificate from enVypillow.com is 85 years old and could not have been more grateful: she’s visiting long-term care to see her husband who had a major health setback last year and always wanted one of our sponsor’s pillows but never felt she could afford it. Well, now she says she can and could not have been happier. Nor could we, Liz, nor could we. Lisa and I were both so touched by her email to us, we could have cried. Anyway, if Liz can do it, you most certainly can, too!

During Lisa’s 9 days here, we ate out a few times, and spent short spurts in the warm swimming pool (here’s Lisa living her best life despite chilly temps outside).

We caught up on cable movies we felt our spouses wouldn’t mind us watching without them, and shopped a bit. Having trod the aisles a lot when our son- and daughter-in-law were here the week before, I was done with it, but Lisa did find a few bargains she couldn’t get at home.

That’s where she heads tomorrow. My heart will be heavy as I pull away from the airport, trying desperately: a) not to cry, and b) to follow the GPS instructions back to the house.

I’ll make my final solo trip to Palm Springs International on Feb. 8 in hopes of getting home smoothly to Rob. Oh, and of course to Dottie, whose maternity leave will be ending at the same time as my getaway. I hope by then Rob’s water woes are over: unusually cold temperatures meant frozen pipes and we actually need scaffolding to get up to them to fix one that burst. That’s being handled tomorrow (we hope) although it may be a few days yet until Rob gets running water throughout the whole house. I wish I could say I’m sorry to be missing it all, but he’s handling it as he does all things: with grace, calm and ingenuity.

And now, one more picture for the road, and what Lisa’s view will be as her flight leaves tomorrow, hopefully on time and with her suitcase – two things we sure don’t take for granted anymore.

Talk to you again soon here and thank you for stopping by. It’s always nice to be surrounded by friends – even if they’re virtual for now.

Just a thought… Living with fear stops us taking risks, and if you don’t go out on the branch you’re never going to get the best fruit. [Sarah Parish]

Well, another week, another pair of huge travel debacle stories. This one isn’t about an engine that wasn’t behaving; that was last week for our family trip down here to Palm Springs International in California. (Hear all about it here on last week’s Gracefully and Frankly podcast.) This time, it’s weather and WestJet and every foul-up you can possibly imagine.

Okay – so to put things in order. The great news is: Brooke, Phil, Jane, Colin and Rob got on their delayed flight out of here on Saturday and, since their connecting flight from Vancouver to Victoria was also delayed, they actually made it. That was a star on the day.

The good news is: my friend and pod-partner Lisa Brandt, after changing airlines entirely and biting a huge and wallet-whallopping bullet, arrived at PSP just before midnight last night.

The bad news is: after one cancellation following another, our friend and FB Live would-be producer Anita MacArthur did NOT make it. She was maybe going to arrive by noon today, three hours before our live event, and then WestJet cancelled her again. That’s after she booked a Vancouver hotel room to wait out the 12 hours between her first re-booked flight and the next. So we are down a woman and flying today, Lisa and I, by the seat of our big girl pants for the FB Live. On what cycle those undies will be washed after today’s event will depend entirely upon how it goes.

Details above and, no, you won’t be on camera; it’s come as you are, and it’s free! Watch us (hopefully) laugh our way through our first one. We’re all in this together and even if it fails – which Lisa assures me IT WILL NOT – nobody dies. Let’s have fun. Anita is going to join us via WhatsApp and send us your questions. Or send them to us early and we’ll get to them first: write them now to gracefullyfrankly@gmail.com.

So, on with today’s journal….

Part one of my winter trip has now ended. Meantime, Rob awoke yesterday in North Saanich (near Victoria, BC) to no running water in the house. Pipes had frozen, which has never happened.

Here in Palm Desert, it’s also been unseasonably cold, just as it has been through much of the mainland lower 48 states. It costs a ton to heat our rental house pool daily, but seeing pictures like this makes it all worthwhile.

As you can see, the kids had a great time on their trip and we made lots of memories. For Rob and me, the touristy highlight was the Universal Studios tour. Oh, and hamming it up at the entrance, of course.

Well, off to have adventures of a whole different kind today: trying something we’ve never done before. Last week, I recorded my side of the Gracefully & Frankly podcast in a minivan in the garage here. Today we’ll be doing a live show, from where, in or out of the house I don’t know. It won’t be the van! Be patient with us if you’re joining (or tuning in just for the fear factor LOL) and fingers crossed. I mean, what’s the point in never trying something that terrifies you, right? Like Sarah says above, that’s where the best fruit is.