Erin's Journals

Just a thought… There is no homecoming like the one where you’re greeted by someone – or something – that loves you, that missed you, and that can’t wait to show you just how much. [Me]

Well, we’re home and, most importantly, back in our own bed (although travelling with my own enVy Pillow and a weighted blanket makes every house, every hotel room feel like home). Which reminds me: in this Thursday’s Gracefully & Frankly Episode 94 (the Oh-So-Thankful edition) I’ll tell you about a problem that my beloved blanket caused me at the airport. Live and learn!

Behind the N-95 mask I wore the whole way home, I let myself have a rare cry on the flight from Toronto to Victoria; it had nothing to do with problems in the air, but seeing a sweet toddler and her mom brought on sadness and reflection on what – and whom – we were leaving behind.

As I hope you saw on FB we had some wonderful time with friends in the GTA and, of course, with family in Ottawa. It was all so sweet, in fact, that it made leaving all the harder, while we come back to a place we’re struggling to make feel like home. Isn’t that strange after nearly eight years of living here?

As this week includes meeting a new therapist online, I’m making plans to have things to look forward to, including a winter away, but for now it’s just the day-to-day. Waking up from dreams of being with Colin and wishing him an easy life as he moves into double-digits later this week, treading water in the milky soft memories of a trip that provided us with a bit of clarity: they are gone, they are happy, the blessed chapter of having our grandkids living nearby has closed.

I have a special video to accompany today’s journal that I think you’re going to love. I tried to be as calm as I could when we entered the condo to two happy dogs, but I finally caught a crazy homecoming on video in three parts: first, the welcome and a game we play every time we come back even from just a few hours away called “Where’s Daddy?” Then, the dogs giving us complete facials until I cried “I surrender.” First me, then Rob.

The voice you hear in the background on a work call and then laughing at the silliness of our antics is Celia, a friend-of-a-friend (and now ours, too), who stayed here for 12 days with the pups. They all became attached at the heart as well as the leashes, and we’re so grateful she gave them love, treats and care to the point where they still wander around looking for her.

And so, here’s the video. Our hearts are full of gratitude as we head into this week before Thanksgiving. And as we do, let me thank YOU for coming by, for watching my videos whether on grief (Not a Mourning Person) or listening to G&F or Drift with Erin Davis. You keep me engaged, just busy enough and grateful to have you and all of these projects to keep me going.

Be well. Enjoy the unbounded love in this video. (Oh and, yes, I got my hair cut and roots done the day after I shot this – yikes!)

Just a thought… To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. [Barbara Johnson]

As we prepare to make our drive westward and then fly home Wednesday, we leave the Ottawa area with a birthday – Jane’s fifth today.

Before I go any further, it is with a full heart and utmost respect that I recognize this National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, devoted to those children whose lives were altered, ruined or even ended by the residential school system here in Canada. Our months without our grandkids pale in comparison in almost every way to the pain suffered by parents and grandparents in years past due to systemic abuse. We remember and strive as a people to do better together.

To say that our week with them has been an emotional highlight in an often dark year would be an understatement; the laughter, the play, the adventures and the cuddles will have to last us a good long time, but we’ll make sure they do.

With their parents’ permission, a few pictures to share of our time with Colin (who turns 10 in October) and today’s Birthday Girl.

We all went to Jane’s first NHL game (Colin’s second) and Jane’s Senators won. Poor Colin hasn’t seen the Leafs win in person yet, but a great time was had by all four of us.

We played every day we were there in the two parks near their new home (it’s really a wonderful family neighbourhood and the small school catchment means they regularly run into classmates outside – something they didn’t do in their BC neighbourhood).

One park has such lovely memories for us: it’s where we played baseball with Lauren one final time in 2015 and she hit the ball so hard she broke an aluminum bat in half. Wish we had the two pieces to prove it to you, but yesterday we bought Colin and Jane their first aluminum bats. Thanks to genes and hours upon hours of practice at our BC home with Rob, the kids can hit. As for Colin…well, his major league dreams don’t seem to be as far out of reach as logic might dictate. (I know, I know, typical grandmother!)

Here’s a sweet shot from the park the other day.

Rob took Colin to an OHL game Friday night (home team lost, poor kid!) and we ate out a few times, spoiled them rotten and just enjoyed an entire weekend of being immersed in their sweet, silly, exhausting company while their folks took a couple of nights off.

I think this time with them has marked a turning point for Rob and for me. We see that they’re settled in well and happily, and as we move to the periphery of their lives, we’ll continue to hope they hold on to the memories as closely as we will, the way I remember precious time with my grandparents when I was younger.

When it comes to saying our good-byes in life, it’s all about how we get through them: finding those silver linings, holding on to the good and even using the not-so-good to remind us that some things can be for the best. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

So, my friend, we’re off to a birthday party today, grateful to have had this time with family and thinking of those who missed so many years with their own.

Have a gentle week. And thank you Ottawa for the most glorious weather this weekend!

As we begin Fall, reWired radio hosts Erin Davis and Mike Cooper got back together for a special video inspired by a Stephen Colbert bit. We’re actually on grass for this one…literally…aside Buckhorn Lake, thinking Not-so-Deep Thoughts. Enjoy. Here’s a link.

Just a thought… Wilderness without wildlife is just scenery. [Lois Crisler]

Out here on Canada’s west coast, on Vancouver Island (not to be confused with the city of Vancouver or even the one in Washington State – boy, that George Vancouver got around!) we are often treated to glorious displays of nature at her best.

Today: a near miss, and pure joy.

As I gaze out the bedroom window in our new place, I’m often treated to the sights of sailboats, the odd multi-million dollar yacht and weekend water babies out on their paddle boards or kayaks. Hours can pass before I drag myself out of bed, having had an entire nautical show play out before me.

But what of wildlife? Seagulls – oh, we’ve got ’em – and occasionally we’ll spot an eagle or a heron either in flight or patiently fishing near the marina. The odd seal makes an appearance, but we have yet to see the grandest sight of all. Last week, we thought that was about to change.

As I looked out at a rather gloomy ocean, I noticed a gathering of large boats. The shape of them, and the dots of orange I could see within them, told me they were whale watchers. And where there are watchers, there are usually whales.

Occasionally we hear of humpbacks in the area, and I have an app that will tell me which whales have been seen where. But we know that Orcas often skirt our area. How often? A feature on the local weekend TV cast has a segment (sponsored by a whale watching outfit) called “BREACHING NEWS.” Cute, huh?

So I called Rob, who finally dug two sets of binoculars out of the many unpacked boxes we’ve brought over from the house. We sat glued to our places for about 20 minutes, looking at this.

Did we see an Orca? No, we did not. But we’ve been told by neighbours that, yes, they can be seen from our building. We just hoped that Friday the 13^th would be a lucky day for us and we, too, would see one of these gorgeous black and white behemoths. Without even paying to board a boat and endure the chilly rain.

So I can’t leave you with the story of a near-miss, can I? I’ll take you instead to my backyard visit at the house up in Dean Park that we’re still trying to sell (had another busy open house both days of the weekend, so it’s not for a lack of trying on our agent’s part; nothing is moving in our price range).

Enjoy this video of my big-eared friend, and stay ’til the end, because after I said good-bye, it didn’t leave.

Do potential buyers get turned off by deer? Some do, I’m sure; those who treasure their gardens and would rather they aren’t a buffet for the fawns and their moms. Us? We felt blessed when one or two – or more – would visit. And I hope this video makes you feel the same way. (Oh, and while you’re on my YouTube channel, feel free to check out my latest project: Not a Mourning Person, won’t you? Like and subscribe so you don’t miss any new editions; I’m currently producing two a week.) 

Just a thought… Just because I carry it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. [post on Instagram @powerofpositivity]

As we step further into September, and the leaves show us how to let go, as someone wisely put it, I find myself thinking so much about hope, along with a word I stumbled across last week that may make the difference between mere existence and thriving for you and for me.

Rob and I watched a fascinating documentary series on Netflix called Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zone from 2023. The fact that I’ve found myself talking about it to friends and family means it’s really hit something in me.

Okay, so in it, the host and researchers go to parts of the world – interestingly, many of them islands – where more people live to 100+ years of age than in other areas on Earth.

In each of them, which included specific areas in Japan, Greece, Costa Rica, Italy, California and Singapore, there were three or four standout features in their inhabitants’ lives that helped contribute to their longevity. These included community, activity and exercise, diet (so many fruits, vegetables and lentils; so little meat!) and the one BIG element that stuck foremost in my mind: ikigai.

Pronounced “icky guy,” this emerged during the show’s visit to Okinawa, Japan. It basically translates to “your purpose or passion while benefitting others.” According to an article to which I’ll link at the end, the four elements of ikigai are these:

• What you love

• What you are good at

• What the world needs

• What you can get paid for

It was ikigai that seemed to contribute to people in Okinawa (and other locales) living longer, and I guess the reason it resonated so loudly is that I’m delving more and more deeply into mine these days.

Maybe retirement did this to you. When we read or hear of people who die shortly after leaving or losing a job, it seems that they’ve lost their ikigai. Or maybe, as was the case with yours truly, they lean into the “no rules” freedom of not getting up to an alarm and having to be anywhere at a specific time. It’s what led me back to drinking (and eventually to sobriety, thank goodness).

So after a seemingly fulfilling eight years since we left the daily radio job, Rob is concerned that I find myself sinking into a malaise and that has brought us to the realization that there’s more work to be done on my grief and the compounding feelings that have come of the massive changes in our lives this year. Losing the optimism that’s always been imprinted on my heart has been hard; watching life go on around me and having no urge to take part is easy to lean into and just sink more deeply.

So why am I telling you this? Not for counsel or sympathy; it’s basic transparency. And a reminder to please not think that life is perfect for anyone, no matter what they present to the world in those Instagrammable moments.

While I search for my ikigai, I’m hoping this will remind you to hold on to yours. Maybe it’s family or volunteering or doing what you love. If that is you, that’s awesome! We need reasons to get out of bed in the morning. My new project, which I intend to be my purpose, is the Not a Mourning Person grief briefs I post loosely semi-weekly on YouTube. 

I’m using what’s in my heart to help others to keep going by knowing they’re not alone, and it comes with a responsibility to keep doing them. The community I’ve always had on social media with people who are kind, open and compassionate has fuelled me, along with the podcast work with Lisa Brandt (Gracefully and Frankly) that gives me purpose. Sustained joy will come, I hope. For now it’s just finding those reasons to get up, stay up and keep it up.

As I’ve often said in times of challenge, “We Can Do This.” I just need to believe it. Don’t we all?

Here’s an article on ikigai if you’d like to read more. I know I will.