Erin's Journals

Just a thought… Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation. [Rumi]

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. You know me: I don’t like to leave it unexpressed. This past week we had yet another reason to be especially thankful and I’m grateful to be able to share it with you on this Thanksgiving Monday. (Spoiler alert: it’s a happy ending.)

I’ve often talked here and on our Gracefully and Frankly podcast about Mira, our friend we met through volunteering about four years ago. She turned 99 on Sept. 1 and although we’ve seen signs of her enormous and giving heart slowing down, her energy waning, we have also been blessed to experience the joy she finds in every day.

Well, not every day.

Just before Christmas of last year, it was Rob and I who delivered the news to Mira that her dear grandson had passed away. The details aren’t mine to share, only that there had been estrangement from his loved ones for some time and that finally, tragically, his family got the call that no one ever wants to receive but dreads every time there is a ring or a ping.

Since then, we’ve watched again and again as a loving grandmother’s eyes filled with tears recalling her early years as a caregiver for her beloved, brilliant and sensitive boy.

Having deep and baffling grief in common, our ties strengthened even further.

Last Tuesday in the dark pre-dawn hours, Mira pushed the button on her wristband to call and be taken to the hospital by ambulance. Although we’re not sure, it seems she might have had a mild heart attack.

Rob and I spent time with her daily. And as we sat in the sunshine outside the hospital on Saturday, trying to avoid the smoke wafting towards us from patients and their visitors who lit up nearby, we talked for a good hour. When she wondered if her heart just simply broke last December and she didn’t know it, we told her we’d heard of something like Broken Heart Syndrome, which we’d witnessed when another elderly friend suffered a heart attack upon the death of her husband of nearly fifty years. (She recovered fully and is nearing her 95^th birthday this December.)

Our gratitude is not only for Mira’s homecoming yesterday, but for the care she received at Victoria General Hospital. The nurses, Simi and Prateesh, could not have been kinder; the doctor who came by to visit was gentle in explaining to her (through us) what he thought and what was happening next. Of course, Mira has a son who lives in the area and he was the primary recipient of updates (as he should have been) but we felt honoured again to have been part of Mira’s care team. She says we’re “her kids” and although we know our places, stepping up was just what family – and dear friends – do.

The whole week of hospitalization had a strange parallel: while my own dad’s residence in Kelowna, BC has been in lockdown during a resurgence of Covid (of which he has had a seemingly mild case himself this past week), it was healing to us to be able to be with Mira daily. The way her face lit up when we poked our heads around the curtain in her room, the pleasure she took in the walks and talks we shared for hours in the past week, were everything to us. They reminded us of how many patients and residents everywhere long for the contact we were fortunate to be able to provide. And as often as our health care systems across the provinces seem to – and often do – let us down, when she needed it, great care was there.

Mira said she asked her doctor why they should spend so much time and care on someone who is 99 years old; why they don’t spend that time on younger patients who need it instead. Of course, we laughed when she told us and I asked if we should just send her out on an ice floe somewhere.

But as she waved good-bye to us from her fourth-floor room window while we pulled away in our convertible in the late day sunshine Saturday, we felt as if we were the ones who were floating away from our anchor, our home, our love, our Mira.

In a lifetime filled with good-byes, we are thankful for the ones that are only for the shortest of times. Those are the partings my heart can take these days.

Happy Thanksgiving. Hug hard and often. And know that I am grateful to you for letting me share our stories.

Just a thought… There is no homecoming like the one where you’re greeted by someone – or something – that loves you, that missed you, and that can’t wait to show you just how much. [Me]

Well, we’re home and, most importantly, back in our own bed (although travelling with my own enVy Pillow and a weighted blanket makes every house, every hotel room feel like home). Which reminds me: in this Thursday’s Gracefully & Frankly Episode 94 (the Oh-So-Thankful edition) I’ll tell you about a problem that my beloved blanket caused me at the airport. Live and learn!

Behind the N-95 mask I wore the whole way home, I let myself have a rare cry on the flight from Toronto to Victoria; it had nothing to do with problems in the air, but seeing a sweet toddler and her mom brought on sadness and reflection on what – and whom – we were leaving behind.

As I hope you saw on FB we had some wonderful time with friends in the GTA and, of course, with family in Ottawa. It was all so sweet, in fact, that it made leaving all the harder, while we come back to a place we’re struggling to make feel like home. Isn’t that strange after nearly eight years of living here?

As this week includes meeting a new therapist online, I’m making plans to have things to look forward to, including a winter away, but for now it’s just the day-to-day. Waking up from dreams of being with Colin and wishing him an easy life as he moves into double-digits later this week, treading water in the milky soft memories of a trip that provided us with a bit of clarity: they are gone, they are happy, the blessed chapter of having our grandkids living nearby has closed.

I have a special video to accompany today’s journal that I think you’re going to love. I tried to be as calm as I could when we entered the condo to two happy dogs, but I finally caught a crazy homecoming on video in three parts: first, the welcome and a game we play every time we come back even from just a few hours away called “Where’s Daddy?” Then, the dogs giving us complete facials until I cried “I surrender.” First me, then Rob.

The voice you hear in the background on a work call and then laughing at the silliness of our antics is Celia, a friend-of-a-friend (and now ours, too), who stayed here for 12 days with the pups. They all became attached at the heart as well as the leashes, and we’re so grateful she gave them love, treats and care to the point where they still wander around looking for her.

And so, here’s the video. Our hearts are full of gratitude as we head into this week before Thanksgiving. And as we do, let me thank YOU for coming by, for watching my videos whether on grief (Not a Mourning Person) or listening to G&F or Drift with Erin Davis. You keep me engaged, just busy enough and grateful to have you and all of these projects to keep me going.

Be well. Enjoy the unbounded love in this video. (Oh and, yes, I got my hair cut and roots done the day after I shot this – yikes!)

Just a thought… To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. [Barbara Johnson]

As we prepare to make our drive westward and then fly home Wednesday, we leave the Ottawa area with a birthday – Jane’s fifth today.

Before I go any further, it is with a full heart and utmost respect that I recognize this National Day for Truth and Reconciliation, devoted to those children whose lives were altered, ruined or even ended by the residential school system here in Canada. Our months without our grandkids pale in comparison in almost every way to the pain suffered by parents and grandparents in years past due to systemic abuse. We remember and strive as a people to do better together.

To say that our week with them has been an emotional highlight in an often dark year would be an understatement; the laughter, the play, the adventures and the cuddles will have to last us a good long time, but we’ll make sure they do.

With their parents’ permission, a few pictures to share of our time with Colin (who turns 10 in October) and today’s Birthday Girl.

We all went to Jane’s first NHL game (Colin’s second) and Jane’s Senators won. Poor Colin hasn’t seen the Leafs win in person yet, but a great time was had by all four of us.

We played every day we were there in the two parks near their new home (it’s really a wonderful family neighbourhood and the small school catchment means they regularly run into classmates outside – something they didn’t do in their BC neighbourhood).

One park has such lovely memories for us: it’s where we played baseball with Lauren one final time in 2015 and she hit the ball so hard she broke an aluminum bat in half. Wish we had the two pieces to prove it to you, but yesterday we bought Colin and Jane their first aluminum bats. Thanks to genes and hours upon hours of practice at our BC home with Rob, the kids can hit. As for Colin…well, his major league dreams don’t seem to be as far out of reach as logic might dictate. (I know, I know, typical grandmother!)

Here’s a sweet shot from the park the other day.

Rob took Colin to an OHL game Friday night (home team lost, poor kid!) and we ate out a few times, spoiled them rotten and just enjoyed an entire weekend of being immersed in their sweet, silly, exhausting company while their folks took a couple of nights off.

I think this time with them has marked a turning point for Rob and for me. We see that they’re settled in well and happily, and as we move to the periphery of their lives, we’ll continue to hope they hold on to the memories as closely as we will, the way I remember precious time with my grandparents when I was younger.

When it comes to saying our good-byes in life, it’s all about how we get through them: finding those silver linings, holding on to the good and even using the not-so-good to remind us that some things can be for the best. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

So, my friend, we’re off to a birthday party today, grateful to have had this time with family and thinking of those who missed so many years with their own.

Have a gentle week. And thank you Ottawa for the most glorious weather this weekend!

As we begin Fall, reWired radio hosts Erin Davis and Mike Cooper got back together for a special video inspired by a Stephen Colbert bit. We’re actually on grass for this one…literally…aside Buckhorn Lake, thinking Not-so-Deep Thoughts. Enjoy. Here’s a link.

Just a thought… Wilderness without wildlife is just scenery. [Lois Crisler]

Out here on Canada’s west coast, on Vancouver Island (not to be confused with the city of Vancouver or even the one in Washington State – boy, that George Vancouver got around!) we are often treated to glorious displays of nature at her best.

Today: a near miss, and pure joy.

As I gaze out the bedroom window in our new place, I’m often treated to the sights of sailboats, the odd multi-million dollar yacht and weekend water babies out on their paddle boards or kayaks. Hours can pass before I drag myself out of bed, having had an entire nautical show play out before me.

But what of wildlife? Seagulls – oh, we’ve got ’em – and occasionally we’ll spot an eagle or a heron either in flight or patiently fishing near the marina. The odd seal makes an appearance, but we have yet to see the grandest sight of all. Last week, we thought that was about to change.

As I looked out at a rather gloomy ocean, I noticed a gathering of large boats. The shape of them, and the dots of orange I could see within them, told me they were whale watchers. And where there are watchers, there are usually whales.

Occasionally we hear of humpbacks in the area, and I have an app that will tell me which whales have been seen where. But we know that Orcas often skirt our area. How often? A feature on the local weekend TV cast has a segment (sponsored by a whale watching outfit) called “BREACHING NEWS.” Cute, huh?

So I called Rob, who finally dug two sets of binoculars out of the many unpacked boxes we’ve brought over from the house. We sat glued to our places for about 20 minutes, looking at this.

Did we see an Orca? No, we did not. But we’ve been told by neighbours that, yes, they can be seen from our building. We just hoped that Friday the 13^th would be a lucky day for us and we, too, would see one of these gorgeous black and white behemoths. Without even paying to board a boat and endure the chilly rain.

So I can’t leave you with the story of a near-miss, can I? I’ll take you instead to my backyard visit at the house up in Dean Park that we’re still trying to sell (had another busy open house both days of the weekend, so it’s not for a lack of trying on our agent’s part; nothing is moving in our price range).

Enjoy this video of my big-eared friend, and stay ’til the end, because after I said good-bye, it didn’t leave.

Do potential buyers get turned off by deer? Some do, I’m sure; those who treasure their gardens and would rather they aren’t a buffet for the fawns and their moms. Us? We felt blessed when one or two – or more – would visit. And I hope this video makes you feel the same way. (Oh, and while you’re on my YouTube channel, feel free to check out my latest project: Not a Mourning Person, won’t you? Like and subscribe so you don’t miss any new editions; I’m currently producing two a week.)