Just a thought… We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. [Brené Brown]
*Ahoy sailors – be sure to check in here tomorrow for a bonus Tuesday Travel journal. A happier one, I promise.
Welcome to a new week. And I know I can be honest here with you, so I’ll tell you that today I’m feeling…untethered. A little lost. The new kid in town – again.
As Molly told you last Thursday in her one-and-only journal effort (and she thanks you for your nice words about her writing talents) we’re now in Palm Springs. She’s doing fine, enjoying a comfy bed, her regular food and treats, plus warm, sunny walks that don’t necessitate a raincoat as they do back home at this time of year.
Rob’s in his glory: puttering around doing odd jobs, packing and loading his hockey goalie gear into the car for regular games with other ex-pats who have escaped colder climes and still want to surround themselves with ice. Go figure!
He’s having a blast, except for the fact that this arena, inappropriately called the Ice Castle, doesn’t have showers. Ew. But to find regular seniors’ hockey in the desert is a gift that he’s not going to complain about, and neither am I. When Rob’s happy, it’s a good thing.
He’s found his people and I have yet to find one person. I know not one soul in this entire area. And so once again I find myself grateful to have a place to talk – however virtually – with people I feel that I know and who know me: you.
I’m an isolating kind of person by nature, and that fits right into the addictive personality: withdraw into a place where no one knows you so that no one can judge. The quiet hours feed that depression I’ve fought for so many decades as I sit quietly thinking too much about what we’ve lost instead of what we have.
Obviously I need to make human connections, but an innate shyness prevents me from taking those first, shaky steps. I want to go out and speak to groups, deliver the Reclaiming Joy speech that gives me purpose; one Facebook post from a woman who winters down here, and suggested I might come and talk to her neighbourhood group, has given me a lift. But where do we go from here?
I know, I know: it’s time to start Googling Yin Yoga classes and find myself a mat at the back of somebody’s class. Take the covers off our bicycles and log some miles around the area. Get to that 12-step meeting today at 11 am and be in the company of other people just working to get through one day at a time.
Yes, it’s early days; it has been less than a week here. I’m just waiting for an angel to help me out. Maybe she wants me to be idle right now, or busy in ways that are good for me. Or maybe that angel comes in the form of a friend.
As I wrapped up writing today’s journal, it dawned on me that my pal Lisa and her husband are coming late this week. We’ll make new memories. Looking ahead instead of back, I’m reminded of the saying that the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield, and for good reason.
Tomorrow – we jump to next October: if you’re interested even a little bit in an adventure on the Rhine with Mike and me, come by for a special Tuesday journal. Again…looking ahead, right?